An Update

Well, I don't normally blog on Saturdays.  Actually, judging by how long it's been since my LAST post I apparently don't blog the other days of the week too.  :)

Anyways.  If you follow me on Instagram though you may have seen some posts that have eluded to a labor being around the corner.

Well.

It's not. Ha!

Actually, maybe it IS but I am driving myself crazy thinking about it and I'm kinda over it.

So the last week I have had contractions on an off.  Some painful, some more like Braxton Hicks.  I had my appt on Thursday and she checked me.  4 cm dilated and 90% effaced.  Basically she said that I'm super ready, just kinda walking around in minor labor.  This basically describes it perfectly.  My body is just done.  I continue to dilate, I am nauseas and have little appetite, and when I DO eat...my "digestion" is um...not so good.  We will leave it at that.

So, we made the decision to go ahead and have the mother in law come out.  There are no flights that arrive in the morning so if I went into labor and had to go to the hospital at night the earliest she could get here would be the next day in the afternoon...which would sorta defeat the purpose of coming to be here with Jack.

Thursday I felt downright awful.  Cramping and contractions on and off like crazy.  When we picked my mother in law up at the airport I was driving and taking wrong turns, fully getting lost...all while having intense contractions...mostly in my back.  We picked her up, went home.  Eventually I went to bed only to be woken up a 1/2 hour later to more contractions.  I was up on and off until 3 am, fell back asleep, woke up the next morning and felt ok. 

We went on a walk and hung out in the morning.  I took a shower and then they started up again.  This time they never stopped in my back.  It was pretty much constant back cramping and then they would swing around to the front for a minute...this was happening every 3-4 minutes.  This went on for over an hour where I finally called my OBGYN and asked them what they thought.  They told me to go in.  I was worried that it wasn't the real thing.  Like I had a feeling.  It's been so on and off that I just didn't think it was the real thing.  I had contractions all the way there (1/2 hr drive), while filling out paperwork, and then they put me on that nice comfy bed, strapped the monitor on aaaaaaaaaand...they basically stopped.  Gaaaaah!  So frustrating.  I knew I was going home at that point.  And I did of course.

I came home, laid down and tried to take a nap...they of course started back up again...so I didn't sleep.  By the end of last night I was so exhausted and done.  I don't mind not going into labor and being pregnant a little while longer.  I really don't.  But going through the contractions on and off and feeling so sick and not sleeping.  Not so great.

Anyways, last night I didn't have a single contraction and slept completely through the night.  Thank the Lord.  I really needed a good night of sleep.  Today I've had some tiny baby contractions...more like Braxton Hicks probably.  I still feel sick but I can push through that.

I DO feel bad that my mother in law is here and it seems like not much is happening at this point.  And as positive as my doc was about me knocking on labor's door I honestly could go past my due date and walk around dilated and fully effaced for however long.  It seems like I won't EVER go into labor on my own probably because with Jack I had to be induced due to my water leaking.  So...it just seems like something that isn't real in some ways.  Like people don't REALLY go into labor on their own.  That I won't EVER need that hospital bag and car seat.  So dumb that it feels that way when obviously that's not true.

I felt so good with Jack that while yes, I was excited to meet him I didn't have a strong desire to go into labor.  I was totally content being pregnant, expected to go past my due date, and yeah.  Was totally fine. 

This one has been a little different.  I think because my mother in law is here I'm definitely feeling a bit more pressure to get this baby out but obviously in the end...stressing about it does nothing.  So I'm relaxing and enjoying the fact that I'm not experiencing contractions right now and hopefully...she will come soon.  :)

So there you go.  The latest "bringing forth the baby" update.  Happy Saturday!  :)

This Week...

Oh glorious Friday.  You are here.

We don't have much in store for the weekend but it's quite nice having Jason home two days in a row.  Especially this late in the pregnancy game.  :)

So this week...

• Monday was a day full of contractions.  Crazy.  I didn't really have any contractions that were just a little ouchy with Jack.  I basically felt great up until my water started leaking.  Then I was induced and it felt like it went straight to "holy cow this hurts".  It was a good 8 hours of steady contractions.  At first I thought nothing of it.  Then they moved into my back and hurt a bit more.  Finally I called my doctor and asked them what they thought.  They told me to get off my feet and relax for the rest of the night.  I figured at this point it had already been going for 8 hours so what's one more hour so I can make dinner?  By the time I was done cooking...they had pretty much stopped.  Had one really good one as I was falling asleep and nothing since.  Kinda nuts.  But glad she's still cooking.  :)
• I have been working working trying to finish up my orders so that I can close the shop.  Kind of a tricky thing.  I'm the sole worker so I basically can't have any pending orders anywhere near the time I could go into labor.  Hoping to maybe be able to close it down this weekend.  We will see I guess.
• One of my favorite things about Arizona so far have been the morning and evenings.  Seriously.  They are glorious.  Perfect for walking.  Jack and I go on morning walks when we can and I usually go out again with Jason and Jack after dinner.  Good for the digestion.  :)  Apparently it gets SO hot in the summer that even the nights are still in the 90's.  Yuck.  That sounds awful.  So, gotta live it up while we can. 
• If you didn't see on Facebook there was a bit of a bummer moment when we saw on our hospital's website that they had a complete sibling ban on all children under 13 years old.  They were not allowed to come beyond public waiting rooms in the hospital for visitation.  I don't really mind where Jack meets his new sister.  I mean likely he's not going to grasp the fact that she's here to stay until she's in our house.  But I would like to see him so yeah...I was hoping he would be able to come back.  That and my mother in law would be able to come back and see the baby without juggling who has Jack in the waiting room.  I was fine with it and knew we'd figure it out but yeah...had my appt. today and they just lifted it so kids are allowed to come back.  Yay!  This also makes going into labor a lot easier if there's a bit of time that Jack needs to be with us while grandma gets here.  Phew.
• Today I went to a Mom's Bible study at the church that we probably won't be staying at.  Ha!  It was pretty good though and I met a couple of moms that seemed pretty nifty so hey...maybe I'll make a friend or two here after all.  ;)
• Oh, and back to the appt I had today.  Dilated to 3 cm...but the cervix?  Not ready.  So.  No baby soon it seems.  She said I am free to go into labor tomorrow.  When I hit 37 weeks.  ha!  She'll probably keep us waiting and on our toes though.  Once again I'm expecting to hit my due date...or go passed it.  Hopefully I'm pleasantly surprised.  :p
• I had a coupon that was about to expire and so I bought newborn diapers and holy cow they are TINY!  I can't believe Jack's butt was once that small!  ha!

Alright.  That concludes the summary of my week.  I hope you all have a great weekend!  <3

Church

I have this rare break where I feel like...hey, I'm going to sit down, relax, and maybe blog.  House is mostly clean ;), laundry is mostly done...and I only have a couple of orders pending...which I need to get supplies for after naptime soooo...here I am.

We have been in Tempe for 3 months.

And we need to find a church.

We've actually been going to one church the whole time we've been here.  It was recommended to us by a friend in San Franciso.  It's fine.  I mean, it's Gospel centered and pretty friendly...and they love Jesus so yeah.

But there is one thing that we are having trouble with.

The worship.

Okay, so here's my thing.  I've always thought that we come at church hunting pretty selfishly.  Very "what can I get out of it" versus "what can I contribute".  I think as Christians we can be a little whiney and "waaa waaaa I don't like this, this, and that so I'm outta here".  So we have TRIED to keep an open mind.  I mean...we've given it about 3 months.  We joined a small group/class.  We've tried you guys. Triiiiiiiiiiied.

But I just can't.
I can't do it.

I cannot get passed the worship.  It is smoke machines, light shows (that literally laser you in the eyes), performer focused.  The congregation hardly sings and I am so. stinking. uncomfortable.  I dread it.  Literally am relieved when it's over.  I mean I'm sure the worship leaders love Jesus.  I do not doubt that at all.  I think though that maybe there might be a little room to step back and let the Spirit move within people on it's own?  Like maybe God doesn't need THAT much help.  Oooh.  Is that messed up to say?  I have no problem with contemporary music, not singing hymns, etc.  If they kept their style and songs as is and just toned it down I think we would be fine but yeah.  Apparently I am old, lame, and boring and I just can't deal.

We have really enjoyed the pastor and his sermons though.  They are always Bible focused and right on and so that's what makes it hard...and seemingly like a dumb choice to seek out another place of worship.  I don't know.  Maybe we will come crawling back.

Finding a church is definitely tough.

I know that it took a little while to feel completely at ease at our church in San Francisco.  It had a completely different set up.  We took Communion every Sunday, stood up, sat down, prayed the same prayers, followed the church calendar and etc.  But it was a good church.  They LOVED the city of San Francisco and served it in beautiful, huge ways.  Currently they are going through a bit of an upheaval on their stand on gay marriage.  While I don't agree with their opinion on it I don't know if it would warrant us leaving the church if we were still there like many have.  The Gospel is there and God is working and I think there is grace for those who don't quite have the right answers to the questions out there...heck...I don't know the right answers.  The Gospel is still very much intact but apparently the pastor and some of the elders (some left because of it) have a different interpretation on gay marriage.

City Church's stand practically went viral in the "Church World".  And it just has me thinking.  Is there something wrong with me that I would be willing to stay at a church that finds gay marriage acceptable (they are allowing gay married couples to become members if they wish, versus before they would only allow people who are struggling with being gay but are celibate) but I'm not willing to stay at a church because they have cheesy, over the top worship?!?  I just feel like that's weird and maybe I need to check myself.  I don't know.  I've always took far too much pride in my "consistent philosophical thinking".  My philosophy background has both ruined me and helped me immensely.  I understand that the issue of homosexuality is a HUGE thing in San Francisco.  Having made a few good friends that are homosexuals...and having Jason walk along side a friend and have conversations with him AS he was processing his sexuality and "coming out" has made us realize that it's a big, complex, personal, crazy thing and they are people.  They are real people who need our love and friendship like every one else in the world.  And I'm not going to call them sinners because seriously, who the heck am I?!?  While I have my opinions on what constitutes a marriage under God it really doesn't matter what I think at the end of the day.  It doesn't. 

I am very conservative on many fronts and yet I think that as I get older I realize that there is a lot of grey out there.  A lot of grey because people are not black and white.  We don't fit into nice neat categories 100% of the time.  We fluctuate, we change, we grow, we sin, we have moments of faith, moments of weakness, moments of strength, and moments of utter failure.  We are poor sinners who need a Savior and we are so very "grey" most of the time.  A mix of good, bad, and ugly.  And Jesus loves us just the same.  And therefore...I will love those around me just the same.  Because I'm no better.  And God knows.  And God judges.  And that is so very much enough for me.  I mean really, it's a relief.  Because it's a heck of a lot of pressure to feel like you have to have and know the right answers to everything.  WOW THAT WAS A TANGENT!  :) 

Anywhooooooooo, back to the original thing about the worship.
So what do you think?  Should we suck it up?  Is it enough to warrant looking for another church?  Dish it baby!  :)

This Week through Instagram!

I straight up love Instagram.  Really and truly.  I think the main reason is because I follow a very small amount of people.  Mostly my peeps who I hold near and dear aaaaaand just a couple of companies who I adore and respect.  Also...who doesn't love the picture aspect of social media?!?  When I see a lot of words I'm all, "blah blah blah...show me the pictures".  And THAT is what Instagram is.  Little flashes and snapshots into people's lives.  And it's fun.  :)

Anywho.  I'm evangelistaluv on Instagram if you are so ever inclined to follow along.

So.
Here is this week through my Instagram feed.

A friend of mine was requesting a "bump" photo and so I obliged.  But then there's the unmade bed...and dirty clothes pile on the bathroom floor.  She probably didn't want to see THAT!  :)  Well, that's 35 weeks pregnant for you.  And yes, my boy looks HUGE in this picture.  Even though I tell him not to...he just keeps growing.  Punk.  :)

So at my last obgyn appt...which by the way I start every week next week....oye...I didn't gain a pound.  In two weeks.  I actually LOST 2 pounds.  Oops.  I have had NO appetite lately though.  Maybe it's the heat + the fact that I have a child inside of me smashing my stomach to the size of a pee?  This is basically the only thing that sounds good to me.  Smoothies.  And this blender.  Seriously.  It's amazing.  I have owned 3 blenders...and broke them all.  A Vitamix or even just the standard Ninja blender was outside of our budget.  I asked for this for Christmas and seriously...it's amazing.  I thought that it would be smaller then a standard blender but really it isn't.  It also came with a smaller food processor cup which I totally use on the occasions I don't feel like pulling out the massive Cuisinart.  Anyways, it blends like a champ, is so easy to clean and...it's like $35 on Amazon.  Ha!  Love it!

Lotta Jansdotter.  I am in LOVE with this designer.  Ok, I'm in love with a lot of fabric designers.  Jack's quilt is made from a Jansdotter line.  I wanted to do baby girls in one but was trying to keep the price down.  Anyways, I was a little thrilled to see that my local Joanns is caring her stuff and I wanted to buy. it. all.  But didn't.  But I might go back.  Because I'm having trouble resisting those two prints on the far right and left...the charcoal with those yellow cluster dots.  Swooooon.

There are some things you deal with working from home that you most likely wouldn't experience in an office.  Like your co-worker making roaring sounds as he rolls all over your cut and sorted headbands.  Yup.  Good ole Jack.  When I saw what he was doing I gasped and he just froze.  And slowly stood up and backed away.  bahahaha.  I didn't even get mad at him because his expression was too great.  And he legit didn't know that it wasn't okay so...there's that.

 I feel pretty good in the morning and then 2pm rolls around and the nausea kicks in.

My boy having a conversation with his animal friends.  It was a little  hard to follow but it was mostly about his Daddy and his choo choos.  Also...we have fully transitioned to the toddler bed!  Yay!  Naptime was going great but we were having trouble half way through the night.  I guess he was falling out of his bed.  Yesterday I bought an extra large pool noodle, tucked it under his sheet and that did it.  Slept through the night.  Someone asked how I did it and honestly...I didn't do anything special.  We attempted probably 6 naptimes and they all resulted in him in his crib.  Then a few days ago I thought...I'll try today.  Put him in his bed for naptime, he went to get out, and before he could I said, "Stay in your bed buddy."  He did, and then fell asleep.  He did so well at naptime I figured I would try bedtime.  He fell asleep no problem, didn't even try to get out of bed...but I found him on the floor at least once...and he wasn't sleeping through the night soooo...back in the crib half way through the night.  I must confess that I felt a little sad realizing that he's not in his crib anymore.  That little face standing up in his crib waiting for me to pull him out.  No more.  Awe.  I guess I'll have another little face soon.  And it WILL be nice to know that Jack is good to go on any sleep transitions for a while and we can just put baby girl in the crib whenever we are ready without worrying about moving Jack.  So that's the toddler bed update.  :)

Went to have a coffee date with Daddy at his work.  And Jack's wore shades like all the cool college kids.  :)

80 degrees in our house at around 1pm.  By the evening it's usually 84.  We WILL use our AC one day.  But we are holding out and enjoying the cheaper electric bill for as long as possible.  :)  Really though...we can feel our bodies acclimating already.  And I think I'm acclimating to this weather a lot faster then I did to San Francisco fog and cold.  Ha!  :)

And this Etsy order.  Adore.  She's doing a 6 month photo shoot with her little one and I love what she ordered.  And the color combos.  Grey and orange are one of my fave combos.  :)  And yes...I will be closing up shop for a month or so in the next couple of weeks.  You know...being the sole employee I probably shouldn't have any pending orders...and then go into labor.  ;)

And that was our week via Instagram.  Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.  We are going to a pizza place tonight that involves a giant organ and singing.  :)  Should be fun. ha!