Monday, May 18, 2015

Mama of Two

Hello lovely blog readers.

I feel like I'm emerging...slightly...from the fog of those first couple of weeks of bringing home a newborn.  Actually the sleep was rough the first two weeks but it wasn't as bad as it was with Jack.  Jack came out of the womb wanting to nurse every 1 1/2 hours.  Eloise was every 3-4 hours during the day and every 4-5 hours at night.  She was such a sleepy little thing.  She still is but her desire to nurse is definitely picking up speed.  Fortunately she seems to be on the right "schedule" as far as sleeping at night.  She had a couple of nights where she was a bit confused and wanted to be up at night but now she sleeps pretty well...with breaks to nurse of course.
Jack is adjusting pretty well I would say.  He adores Eloise.  I mean, the thought of her not coming with us on an outing...or when she cries definitely makes him sad.  He caresses her little face and wants to kiss her non stop.  We have definitely seen the "growing pains" though in other areas.  He seems a bit more whiney and his ability to self-entertain has basically disappeared.  He wants one of us by his side at all times.  I'm guessing it's the insecurity and knowing that our attentions are now divided.  I'm hoping he will come around soon.  Just happy that there hasn't been any aggression directly towards Ellie.  I think he's too young to associate his feelings with the fact that they coincide with Ellie arriving.  Which is probably a good thing.  Ha!  Another tough thing has been the regress that he's had in sleep.  Really hard considering how often you wake up with a newborn.  Throw in 1-2 wakeups from the toddler and you start feeling like a zombie.  It so directly correlates with her coming home from the hospital that I'm letting his get away with it for a while.  Trying to give him a little grace.  He has one more week to figure it out and thennnnn...sorry bud.  Back to a little sleep training for you.  :)  Of course now he has a fever...awesome sauce when you have a vulnerable 2 week old...not.  Anywho.  We are all adjusting and trying to figure out this family of 4 thing.
Last week was my first week solo without Jason and it went pretty well imo.  No major disasters or tears...from anyone.  By Friday I felt a little haggard but we survived and I think we are all a little better for it.  Right?!?  ;)
It's probably crazy but I'm already looking into ways to exercise once my 6 weeks are up.  Probably because my body healed so quickly this time compared to last time.  I mean, I wouldn't go for a run right now but in 4 weeks...I'll be ready.  Anyways, we don't have much extra $$$ for gyms and such but there are some free running clubs here and I think I would like to join one.  There's also one that trains for a marathon starting in September.  I have always wanted to do a marathon but finding people to run with has been tough.  Jason worries about my safety often and running that many miles would require me to do at least part of my training in the dark most likely...especially in AZ where they don't do daylight savings.  If I have some peeps by my side though?  I'll have the husband's blessing!  :)  It would be nice to exercise AND meet some people at the same time.  So we will see.  Do I sound like a broken record?  Always looking to meet people?  Yup.
Other things to note.  Nursing is going well but this time around I didn't need to use a nipple shield.  Jack had a short frenulum that made it hard for him to nurse without killing me.  Basically he could nurse but it was such a shallow latch that he shredded me up.  Thus the nipple shield.  Turns out nipple shields are messy but they are a heck of a lot easier to use ha!  Also Jack was so passionate about nursing that he would eat hanging upside down so long as he could reach the source of the milk.  Eloise has been a little more tricky.  She likes to be positioned JUST right.  I also have a very fast let down which has basically darn near drowned both of our children. Ha!  Poor babies.  I remember Jack sputtering and coughing.  Didn't phase him too much.  Ellie though?  She'll try to keep up but eventually after choking she'll just let the milk pour all over...or she'll fill her mouth, spit it out, and do that a couple of times.  Eventually she'll start drinking again.  Crazy baby.  So nursing has been a little...messy? to say the least.  And here I was thinking the shield was messy.  Um yeah.  Ellie definitely has topped that.  Also new to the world of having a 2nd baby.  Projectile poop.  Seriously, Jack never did this once.  Eloise?  I've been pooped on while changing a diaper at least 4 times...and yesterday Jason was christened.  ;)

I'm sure there are more things to note but that's all I got for now.  Also, hope you enjoyed the photos of Jack meeting Eloise for the first time.  I look terrible but I adore these pictures.  It was such a sweet time with my boy and I'm glad we have the photos to look back on.  There are more but it turns out the tank top I was wearing was a little...scandalous for internet photos.  :)  My milk was beginning to come in.  Ha! 

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Eloise May: Her Story

I guess I should start with a little announcement...just in case we aren't Facebook/Instagram friends  :)

Our little girl has arrived!

Eloise May
May 3, 2015
7 lbs 8 oz.
20.5 inches long

I love birth stories.  I love them all.  Natural, C-Section, it doesn't matter.  I love hearing the emotions and thoughts behind it.  I am so glad that I got Jack's down before it became too fuzzy.  I reread his a couple of weeks ago and it's funny the things that I have already forgotten.

So here is Eloise's story (and it's a little loooong):

We some how all had it in our mind that Eloise would make her appearance 1-2 weeks before her due date.  That's a really bad idea to get in your mind by the way. Jack was a week early and they say that often times your subsequent babies come even earlier.  Well it was not the case with our second baby.  It also didn't help that at my 38 week appointment I was 90% effaced and 4 cm dilated.  She told me she didn't think that I would make it to my next appointment.  I agreed because I was feeling tons of Braxton Hicks/contractions.  Some that would even keep me up at night.  I EVEN went to the hospital after 4 hours straight of contractions...only to have them basically stop once they got me on the bed to monitor the baby.  I went home obviously.  :)

And I DID make it to my 39 week appointment (actually it was more like 39 weeks + 4 days).  We decided to go ahead and schedule an induction on her due date, Monday May 4th.  There has been the ongoing concern of her size/the best way for her to enter the world.  Jack was a relatively large baby (for me) with a big head.  I ended up with a 4th degree tear.  My current office was basically horrified by the idea and we were doing our best to avoid having this happen again.  Not only is the healing horrific but there can be some pretty awful long term problems from having me re-tear in the same spot to that degree.  On the other hand, I didn't like the idea of going through a C-Section only to have her come out smaller.  I was pretty sure that I could birth another baby smaller then was just scary to think of her being the same size...or bigger.  After a lot of mixed messages we decided to go ahead and try a vaginal birth again.  I stressed about it for so long.  Deciding whether I should do a C-Section or not.  I received a lot of opinions and in the end there was nothing concrete.  I FELT like she wasn't as big as Jack.  When I felt my belly with Jack there was very little "extra" space.  It was all baby.  With Eloise I felt like my belly wasn't quite so "full" of baby.  I told my doctor that thinking he would think I'm nuts but he said, "You are probably right about that."  In the end I basically said, "Alright Lord, there is no clear answer here.  I am going to move forward with vaginal and if You desire something else...make it clear."  I left it like that.  Phew.  So there is a bit of the background.

Now back to the actual event.  :)

So with a very conveniently scheduled induction for Monday May 4th and FINALLY having everything figured out and perfectly lined up for Jack that day (a sitter) we went on with our weekend, intending to live it up as a family of 3 for the last time.  Saturday morning we kept it low key and leisurely, hung out at home, Jack took his nap, and then we decided to go to the pool for fun in the afternoon.  I busted out that good ole' maternity bathing suit and seriously, we had so much fun.  There is a huge indoor pool that becomes a wave pool and Jack had a total blast.  We played and played.  As we were bouncing around in the water I started to feel some contractions.  I have been feeling contractions for almost 2 weeks at this point so at first I didn't think anything of it.  But they kept coming.  Nothing bad...but persistent.  I joked around with Jason that maybe all this bouncing up and down in the water would bring on the baby.  This probably started around 3pm.  We stayed another half hour there and decided to go take advantage of Starbucks frappaccino happy hour.  Half off frapps!  Yes please.  Had the S'mores one by the way.  Um, YUM!  Anywho, as we were sitting in Starbucks, Jack enjoying his cookie, us our frappacinos, the contractions started getting a bit worse.  I informed Jason and he looked at me like, "You're kidding me right?"  We decided to go home.  I am the driver in the family and I opted to have Jason drive us home.  :) 

We got home and they started picking up in speed and intensity.  It was beginning to get to the point where they were almost back to back.  If I sat down though...they slowed dramatically.  I didn't want to go to the hospital only to lay on their little bed again and have them slow down and send me home.  So we waited.  Our hospital is about 25 minutes away and finally at 6pm Jason made the call and said that we were going.  He loaded the car and Jack and off we went.  We arrived at triage and I really felt like my contractions had slowed.  So lame.  I got in there, they strapped on the monitors and checked me.  Fully effaced, 4 cm.  No real change.  At first there was talk that yes, I was definitely having contractions but that they were going to make me walk for an hour to see if that helps me dilate some more.  Then the nurse walked in with some apple juice and informed me that she talked to the doctor and that baby girl wasn't moving enough...or hardly at all...and her heart rate wasn't spiking like it should.  So I drank the juice.  I informed her that it was kind of her "quiet time" but that didn't seem to appease her.  The juice did nothing.  It was yummy though.  :)  Then she came in with a buzzer and basically buzzed her head from the outside of my stomach.  That made her move at least which made them happy.  She left the room again to talk to the doctor and monitor baby girl.  At this point my contractions were definitely picking up.  Like pretty ouchie.  Finally she walked back in with a handful of stuff and said, "You're having this baby!"  Apparently they didn't like how her heart rate was so level.  Weird?!?  I knew heart rate drops were bad but being level?  Apparently not good either.  Because I was so close to being due they thought maybe my placenta was already breaking down and not allowing her to have those surges in heart rate that she should have.  Who knows.  The plan was that if I didn't start dilating more then they would give me Pitocin.  This was at about 9pm probably.  Then we realized...what are we going to do with Jack!?!?
Enjoying a contraction in triage.  Ha!  :)
Jason wanted to keep him in the room with us.  That was not an option to me.  I am SO glad we didn't too because Jason would've had to leave the room for most of it.  It was just too intense for Jack to witness.  I contacted my friend who was planning on watching Jack during the day on Monday and she so very graciously volunteered to come over to our house and spend the night with Jack.  Seriously, I barely know her.  I met her through a Bible study and she pretty much single handedly made what could have been a horrible, stressful experience into something that went so smooth.  She so selflessly served us as a family...basically strangers to be honest (we've had one playdate together).  On top of that she's even bringing us a meal this week.  The body of Christ is amazing.  :)

So at about 9:30pm Jason left to take Jack to meet her at our house.  Jason put Jack down and everything went great.  I went ahead and sent out a text to family and called my mom.  My contractions were finally so bad that I could barely talk.  My poor Mom. haha.  I kept having to put the phone down to have another contraction.  Finally I had to hang up because we were getting no where in our conversation.  :)  At about 10:15 or so they finally moved me to my room.  Oh wait, that's after they wheeled me into a full, busy waiting room and then left me there because they forgot my paperwork...and I had a full blown contraction...much to the poor onlookers horror.  Yeah.  Awesome.  hahaha.  So I made it to my delivery room.  Jason still hadn't arrived at about 10:30pm.  My contractions where getting BAD!  I am NOT one of those quiet, strong sufferers.  I was loud.  It hurt like crud.  Like straight up awful.  It was intense and fast.  I declared about 23 times that I was ready for my epidural.  But I had to wait.  With Jack the guy came in like 5 minutes.  This time it took a good 45 minutes of pure agony.  Right before he came they checked me...7 cm.  Finally the guy came and I was a basic basket case at this point.  Jason still wasn't back.  I was back laboring like nothing else.  The anesthesiologist said that I needed to sit still through it and I basically whined and cried..."I caaaaaaan't".  He straight up and sternly said, "Then you won't get your epidural." hahaha.  I think I needed a stern hand at this point to snap me out of it.  I cried, "Ooooo-K.  I'll tryyyyyy."  The nurse helped me focus on her and of course I had a contraction right as he's inserting it.  Of course.  But I was still.  :)  Yay me.  And then nice and quick those contractions started feeling less and less intense.  Pure sweet bliss. 

Once the epidural was in it was probably about 11pm and Jason finally arrived.  bahahaha.  He completely and totally missed the hardest part.  I told him it was probably for the best.  I actually prefer to suffer and be in pain alone.  Is that weird?  And it's so hard to see someone in pain and not be able to do a thing.  Jason felt reeaaallly bad for missing it though. 

They informed me at this point that they would check me again at 2 am and probably break my water.  They were trying to get the 2 rounds of antibiotics through me since I was Strep B positive.  About as fast as they said that though I started feeling pain again.  Not the same, intense contraction pain but pressure pain.  This was completely new to me because with my epidural with Jack I felt NOTHING.  I didn't feel anything that indicated it was time for me to push.  They had to tell me.  Once I started pushing I felt cramping at the top of my uterus but other then that?  Nothing.  I asked her what it was and she thought it was just the contractions coming through a bit.  She said when it's time to push the pain and pressure would be constant.  It didn't take long for that to be the case and I could feel something coming out...whether they were ready or not.  It was actually my water bag and not the baby but it was an indication that she was soon to follow (obviously...since she's IN it haha).  Apparently the place was hopping and there were babies being born left and right.  My doctor (who I hadn't met until that night) was delivering another baby.  The nurses said if I had to I could deliver with them if the doctor didn't make it in time.  I wasn't thrilled with that idea.  I didn't want to have a repeat of last time with the tear and I felt like I needed the doc to be there to ensure that. 

Right on cue she came in though and looked me in the eyes and said, "That's not going to happen again.  You aren't going to get a 4th degree tear again."  Even though she didn't REALLY know...I believed her and it DID make me a little less nervous to push.  The nurse then said that in the 3 years she'd worked at that hospital she'd never seen a 4th degree tear so I was in good hands.  It was time to break the water...which was a total explosion by the way.  hahaha.  And then the baby came right after.  I pushed for 3 hours with Jack.  It was intense and long and I barely felt a thing.  This was intense and short, and I felt a lot.  At first I was timid and not giving it my all.  I couldn't get the tear out of my mind.  Finally the pain of it all made me motivated to be done.  I pushed for 10 minutes with Eloise.  The relief my body felt when she was out was amazing.  As much as it hurt, I will say that I preferred feeling more of the birth with her then the complete numbness I had with Jack....when it came to the pushing part.  Contractions?  Um.  Yeah.  I could skip THAT pain.  :) 

I was so relieved that she was out and started to cry immediately.  Jason and the nurses had to tell me to LOOK at our new baby.  I don't know where I was looking but apparently not at her ha!  They then flopped her on me and I took our new little girl in.  I looked at the doctor though because I needed to know.  I could tell that I DID tear by her expression.  Jason said there was a lot of blood so I think it looked worse then it was.  Once she cleaned and started sewing though she said, "You the same spot.  But it's a 2nd degree...and not a very bad one."  She was smiling and I could tell she was pleased with the results.  I was under no delusion that I would walk out completely unscathed.  I figured I would tear again...I just didn't want the SAME tear.

They cleaned our little one up eventually...sorta.  This hospital was so different in so many ways.  For example, the labor seemed so...casual at this hospital.  The hospital in San Francisco felt like I was undergoing a major surgery.  They also don't bathe the baby at this hospital until they have nursed 2 times.  For us that was the next day because she was soooo sleepy...and just had no sucking reflex/desire.  They have done studies that show that keeping the amniotic fluid on them makes them nurse better apparently.  Who knows. 
So there you have it.  Eloise's birth story.  I am healing well from the tear...I think.  ;)  Having experienced the other tear this is totally not bad at all.  Like really.  And definitely much easier to heal from then a C-Section.  In this case I guess we made the right decision.  Apparently there shouldn't really be any long term problems from this tear.  I hope they are right.  ;)
Very proud Daddy <3

And Eloise?  She is a doll.  She feels so tiny.  She's only a pound smaller then Jack was but I think I forget just how tiny newborns are.  She is a quiet little thing who chooses to sleep far more then she chooses to eat.  We might have to address that tomorrow at her pediatrician appointment.  :)  She loves to be held, or is content being put down.  Jack loves her so far...  ;)  She it fitting well into our family and some how IS easier the second time.  I'm tired but I don't feel like I'm going to pass out from the exhaustion.  Jason is home for this week and is basically the best Daddy ever.  We are so blessed to have him around.  And I am so blessed to be a Mama of TWO.  I love my little Ellie May and Jacko.  <3
When I look at this pic I laugh because to me it looks like a baby Jack in a pink bow.  Ha!  :)

Saturday, April 25, 2015

An Update

Well, I don't normally blog on Saturdays.  Actually, judging by how long it's been since my LAST post I apparently don't blog the other days of the week too.  :)

Anyways.  If you follow me on Instagram though you may have seen some posts that have eluded to a labor being around the corner.


It's not. Ha!

Actually, maybe it IS but I am driving myself crazy thinking about it and I'm kinda over it.

So the last week I have had contractions on an off.  Some painful, some more like Braxton Hicks.  I had my appt on Thursday and she checked me.  4 cm dilated and 90% effaced.  Basically she said that I'm super ready, just kinda walking around in minor labor.  This basically describes it perfectly.  My body is just done.  I continue to dilate, I am nauseas and have little appetite, and when I DO "digestion" is um...not so good.  We will leave it at that.

So, we made the decision to go ahead and have the mother in law come out.  There are no flights that arrive in the morning so if I went into labor and had to go to the hospital at night the earliest she could get here would be the next day in the afternoon...which would sorta defeat the purpose of coming to be here with Jack.

Thursday I felt downright awful.  Cramping and contractions on and off like crazy.  When we picked my mother in law up at the airport I was driving and taking wrong turns, fully getting lost...all while having intense contractions...mostly in my back.  We picked her up, went home.  Eventually I went to bed only to be woken up a 1/2 hour later to more contractions.  I was up on and off until 3 am, fell back asleep, woke up the next morning and felt ok. 

We went on a walk and hung out in the morning.  I took a shower and then they started up again.  This time they never stopped in my back.  It was pretty much constant back cramping and then they would swing around to the front for a minute...this was happening every 3-4 minutes.  This went on for over an hour where I finally called my OBGYN and asked them what they thought.  They told me to go in.  I was worried that it wasn't the real thing.  Like I had a feeling.  It's been so on and off that I just didn't think it was the real thing.  I had contractions all the way there (1/2 hr drive), while filling out paperwork, and then they put me on that nice comfy bed, strapped the monitor on aaaaaaaaaand...they basically stopped.  Gaaaaah!  So frustrating.  I knew I was going home at that point.  And I did of course.

I came home, laid down and tried to take a nap...they of course started back up I didn't sleep.  By the end of last night I was so exhausted and done.  I don't mind not going into labor and being pregnant a little while longer.  I really don't.  But going through the contractions on and off and feeling so sick and not sleeping.  Not so great.

Anyways, last night I didn't have a single contraction and slept completely through the night.  Thank the Lord.  I really needed a good night of sleep.  Today I've had some tiny baby contractions...more like Braxton Hicks probably.  I still feel sick but I can push through that.

I DO feel bad that my mother in law is here and it seems like not much is happening at this point.  And as positive as my doc was about me knocking on labor's door I honestly could go past my due date and walk around dilated and fully effaced for however long.  It seems like I won't EVER go into labor on my own probably because with Jack I had to be induced due to my water leaking. just seems like something that isn't real in some ways.  Like people don't REALLY go into labor on their own.  That I won't EVER need that hospital bag and car seat.  So dumb that it feels that way when obviously that's not true.

I felt so good with Jack that while yes, I was excited to meet him I didn't have a strong desire to go into labor.  I was totally content being pregnant, expected to go past my due date, and yeah.  Was totally fine. 

This one has been a little different.  I think because my mother in law is here I'm definitely feeling a bit more pressure to get this baby out but obviously in the end...stressing about it does nothing.  So I'm relaxing and enjoying the fact that I'm not experiencing contractions right now and hopefully...she will come soon.  :)

So there you go.  The latest "bringing forth the baby" update.  Happy Saturday!  :)

Friday, April 10, 2015

This Week...

Oh glorious Friday.  You are here.

We don't have much in store for the weekend but it's quite nice having Jason home two days in a row.  Especially this late in the pregnancy game.  :)

So this week...

  • Monday was a day full of contractions.  Crazy.  I didn't really have any contractions that were just a little ouchy with Jack.  I basically felt great up until my water started leaking.  Then I was induced and it felt like it went straight to "holy cow this hurts".  It was a good 8 hours of steady contractions.  At first I thought nothing of it.  Then they moved into my back and hurt a bit more.  Finally I called my doctor and asked them what they thought.  They told me to get off my feet and relax for the rest of the night.  I figured at this point it had already been going for 8 hours so what's one more hour so I can make dinner?  By the time I was done cooking...they had pretty much stopped.  Had one really good one as I was falling asleep and nothing since.  Kinda nuts.  But glad she's still cooking.  :)
  • I have been working working trying to finish up my orders so that I can close the shop.  Kind of a tricky thing.  I'm the sole worker so I basically can't have any pending orders anywhere near the time I could go into labor.  Hoping to maybe be able to close it down this weekend.  We will see I guess.
  • One of my favorite things about Arizona so far have been the morning and evenings.  Seriously.  They are glorious.  Perfect for walking.  Jack and I go on morning walks when we can and I usually go out again with Jason and Jack after dinner.  Good for the digestion.  :)  Apparently it gets SO hot in the summer that even the nights are still in the 90's.  Yuck.  That sounds awful.  So, gotta live it up while we can. 
  • If you didn't see on Facebook there was a bit of a bummer moment when we saw on our hospital's website that they had a complete sibling ban on all children under 13 years old.  They were not allowed to come beyond public waiting rooms in the hospital for visitation.  I don't really mind where Jack meets his new sister.  I mean likely he's not going to grasp the fact that she's here to stay until she's in our house.  But I would like to see him so yeah...I was hoping he would be able to come back.  That and my mother in law would be able to come back and see the baby without juggling who has Jack in the waiting room.  I was fine with it and knew we'd figure it out but yeah...had my appt. today and they just lifted it so kids are allowed to come back.  Yay!  This also makes going into labor a lot easier if there's a bit of time that Jack needs to be with us while grandma gets here.  Phew.
  • Today I went to a Mom's Bible study at the church that we probably won't be staying at.  Ha!  It was pretty good though and I met a couple of moms that seemed pretty nifty so hey...maybe I'll make a friend or two here after all.  ;)
  • Oh, and back to the appt I had today.  Dilated to 3 cm...but the cervix?  Not ready.  So.  No baby soon it seems.  She said I am free to go into labor tomorrow.  When I hit 37 weeks.  ha!  She'll probably keep us waiting and on our toes though.  Once again I'm expecting to hit my due date...or go passed it.  Hopefully I'm pleasantly surprised.  :p
  • I had a coupon that was about to expire and so I bought newborn diapers and holy cow they are TINY!  I can't believe Jack's butt was once that small!  ha!
Alright.  That concludes the summary of my week.  I hope you all have a great weekend!  <3

Tuesday, April 7, 2015


I have this rare break where I feel like...hey, I'm going to sit down, relax, and maybe blog.  House is mostly clean ;), laundry is mostly done...and I only have a couple of orders pending...which I need to get supplies for after naptime I am.

We have been in Tempe for 3 months.

And we need to find a church.

We've actually been going to one church the whole time we've been here.  It was recommended to us by a friend in San Franciso.  It's fine.  I mean, it's Gospel centered and pretty friendly...and they love Jesus so yeah.

But there is one thing that we are having trouble with.

The worship.

Okay, so here's my thing.  I've always thought that we come at church hunting pretty selfishly.  Very "what can I get out of it" versus "what can I contribute".  I think as Christians we can be a little whiney and "waaa waaaa I don't like this, this, and that so I'm outta here".  So we have TRIED to keep an open mind.  I mean...we've given it about 3 months.  We joined a small group/class.  We've tried you guys. Triiiiiiiiiiied.

But I just can't.
I can't do it.

I cannot get passed the worship.  It is smoke machines, light shows (that literally laser you in the eyes), performer focused.  The congregation hardly sings and I am so. stinking. uncomfortable.  I dread it.  Literally am relieved when it's over.  I mean I'm sure the worship leaders love Jesus.  I do not doubt that at all.  I think though that maybe there might be a little room to step back and let the Spirit move within people on it's own?  Like maybe God doesn't need THAT much help.  Oooh.  Is that messed up to say?  I have no problem with contemporary music, not singing hymns, etc.  If they kept their style and songs as is and just toned it down I think we would be fine but yeah.  Apparently I am old, lame, and boring and I just can't deal.

We have really enjoyed the pastor and his sermons though.  They are always Bible focused and right on and so that's what makes it hard...and seemingly like a dumb choice to seek out another place of worship.  I don't know.  Maybe we will come crawling back.

Finding a church is definitely tough.

I know that it took a little while to feel completely at ease at our church in San Francisco.  It had a completely different set up.  We took Communion every Sunday, stood up, sat down, prayed the same prayers, followed the church calendar and etc.  But it was a good church.  They LOVED the city of San Francisco and served it in beautiful, huge ways.  Currently they are going through a bit of an upheaval on their stand on gay marriage.  While I don't agree with their opinion on it I don't know if it would warrant us leaving the church if we were still there like many have.  The Gospel is there and God is working and I think there is grace for those who don't quite have the right answers to the questions out there...heck...I don't know the right answers.  The Gospel is still very much intact but apparently the pastor and some of the elders (some left because of it) have a different interpretation on gay marriage.

City Church's stand practically went viral in the "Church World".  And it just has me thinking.  Is there something wrong with me that I would be willing to stay at a church that finds gay marriage acceptable (they are allowing gay married couples to become members if they wish, versus before they would only allow people who are struggling with being gay but are celibate) but I'm not willing to stay at a church because they have cheesy, over the top worship?!?  I just feel like that's weird and maybe I need to check myself.  I don't know.  I've always took far too much pride in my "consistent philosophical thinking".  My philosophy background has both ruined me and helped me immensely.  I understand that the issue of homosexuality is a HUGE thing in San Francisco.  Having made a few good friends that are homosexuals...and having Jason walk along side a friend and have conversations with him AS he was processing his sexuality and "coming out" has made us realize that it's a big, complex, personal, crazy thing and they are people.  They are real people who need our love and friendship like every one else in the world.  And I'm not going to call them sinners because seriously, who the heck am I?!?  While I have my opinions on what constitutes a marriage under God it really doesn't matter what I think at the end of the day.  It doesn't. 

I am very conservative on many fronts and yet I think that as I get older I realize that there is a lot of grey out there.  A lot of grey because people are not black and white.  We don't fit into nice neat categories 100% of the time.  We fluctuate, we change, we grow, we sin, we have moments of faith, moments of weakness, moments of strength, and moments of utter failure.  We are poor sinners who need a Savior and we are so very "grey" most of the time.  A mix of good, bad, and ugly.  And Jesus loves us just the same.  And therefore...I will love those around me just the same.  Because I'm no better.  And God knows.  And God judges.  And that is so very much enough for me.  I mean really, it's a relief.  Because it's a heck of a lot of pressure to feel like you have to have and know the right answers to everything.  WOW THAT WAS A TANGENT!  :) 

Anywhooooooooo, back to the original thing about the worship.
So what do you think?  Should we suck it up?  Is it enough to warrant looking for another church?  Dish it baby!  :)

Friday, April 3, 2015

This Week through Instagram!

I straight up love Instagram.  Really and truly.  I think the main reason is because I follow a very small amount of people.  Mostly my peeps who I hold near and dear aaaaaand just a couple of companies who I adore and respect.  Also...who doesn't love the picture aspect of social media?!?  When I see a lot of words I'm all, "blah blah me the pictures".  And THAT is what Instagram is.  Little flashes and snapshots into people's lives.  And it's fun.  :)

Anywho.  I'm evangelistaluv on Instagram if you are so ever inclined to follow along.

Here is this week through my Instagram feed.

A friend of mine was requesting a "bump" photo and so I obliged.  But then there's the unmade bed...and dirty clothes pile on the bathroom floor.  She probably didn't want to see THAT!  :)  Well, that's 35 weeks pregnant for you.  And yes, my boy looks HUGE in this picture.  Even though I tell him not to...he just keeps growing.  Punk.  :)

So at my last obgyn appt...which by the way I start every week next week....oye...I didn't gain a pound.  In two weeks.  I actually LOST 2 pounds.  Oops.  I have had NO appetite lately though.  Maybe it's the heat + the fact that I have a child inside of me smashing my stomach to the size of a pee?  This is basically the only thing that sounds good to me.  Smoothies.  And this blender.  Seriously.  It's amazing.  I have owned 3 blenders...and broke them all.  A Vitamix or even just the standard Ninja blender was outside of our budget.  I asked for this for Christmas and's amazing.  I thought that it would be smaller then a standard blender but really it isn't.  It also came with a smaller food processor cup which I totally use on the occasions I don't feel like pulling out the massive Cuisinart.  Anyways, it blends like a champ, is so easy to clean's like $35 on Amazon.  Ha!  Love it!

Lotta Jansdotter.  I am in LOVE with this designer.  Ok, I'm in love with a lot of fabric designers.  Jack's quilt is made from a Jansdotter line.  I wanted to do baby girls in one but was trying to keep the price down.  Anyways, I was a little thrilled to see that my local Joanns is caring her stuff and I wanted to buy. it. all.  But didn't.  But I might go back.  Because I'm having trouble resisting those two prints on the far right and left...the charcoal with those yellow cluster dots.  Swooooon.

There are some things you deal with working from home that you most likely wouldn't experience in an office.  Like your co-worker making roaring sounds as he rolls all over your cut and sorted headbands.  Yup.  Good ole Jack.  When I saw what he was doing I gasped and he just froze.  And slowly stood up and backed away.  bahahaha.  I didn't even get mad at him because his expression was too great.  And he legit didn't know that it wasn't okay so...there's that.

 I feel pretty good in the morning and then 2pm rolls around and the nausea kicks in.

My boy having a conversation with his animal friends.  It was a little  hard to follow but it was mostly about his Daddy and his choo choos.  Also...we have fully transitioned to the toddler bed!  Yay!  Naptime was going great but we were having trouble half way through the night.  I guess he was falling out of his bed.  Yesterday I bought an extra large pool noodle, tucked it under his sheet and that did it.  Slept through the night.  Someone asked how I did it and honestly...I didn't do anything special.  We attempted probably 6 naptimes and they all resulted in him in his crib.  Then a few days ago I thought...I'll try today.  Put him in his bed for naptime, he went to get out, and before he could I said, "Stay in your bed buddy."  He did, and then fell asleep.  He did so well at naptime I figured I would try bedtime.  He fell asleep no problem, didn't even try to get out of bed...but I found him on the floor at least once...and he wasn't sleeping through the night soooo...back in the crib half way through the night.  I must confess that I felt a little sad realizing that he's not in his crib anymore.  That little face standing up in his crib waiting for me to pull him out.  No more.  Awe.  I guess I'll have another little face soon.  And it WILL be nice to know that Jack is good to go on any sleep transitions for a while and we can just put baby girl in the crib whenever we are ready without worrying about moving Jack.  So that's the toddler bed update.  :)

Went to have a coffee date with Daddy at his work.  And Jack's wore shades like all the cool college kids.  :)
80 degrees in our house at around 1pm.  By the evening it's usually 84.  We WILL use our AC one day.  But we are holding out and enjoying the cheaper electric bill for as long as possible.  :)  Really though...we can feel our bodies acclimating already.  And I think I'm acclimating to this weather a lot faster then I did to San Francisco fog and cold.  Ha!  :)

And this Etsy order.  Adore.  She's doing a 6 month photo shoot with her little one and I love what she ordered.  And the color combos.  Grey and orange are one of my fave combos.  :)  And yes...I will be closing up shop for a month or so in the next couple of weeks.  You know...being the sole employee I probably shouldn't have any pending orders...and then go into labor.  ;)

And that was our week via Instagram.  Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.  We are going to a pizza place tonight that involves a giant organ and singing.  :)  Should be fun. ha!

Monday, March 30, 2015

My Boy Jack

I adore my boy.
I mean, don't we all adore our children?!?  I truly delight in my little guy though.  Mothering is so fun, and such an adventure.  Full of spontaneous laughter...and tears.  Ha!  We just got over another one of those 3-4 day "crabby, whiney, developmental blurps".  That's what I call them anyways.  ;)  Basically he isn't himself for a few days and is super clingy, angry, cranky, and whiney.  And then one morning he wakes up and he's back.  His normal easy, happy go lucky self is back and there is usually some new development that's taken place.  In this case he's adding REAL words at a record pace.  He's starting to mimic things that we say.  He's always "talked" a lot...we just never knew what he was saying.  Well, I did usually but nobody else. 
I'm sure that once baby girl comes Jack won't be receiving quite the same amount of face time on this blog.  Although this age.  Seriously?!?  I adore it.  I mean I loved him little but I think I appreciate the interaction and the laughs that he gives me so much.  I also think though that I will appreciate the "itty bitty stage" of baby girl more then I did with Jack.  I was sad to see him get older and yet...staying home with a tiny baby who literally wanted to be held every moment of the day was fatiguing and well...a little boring at times.  I remember always telling myself to "take it all in" and to adore the quiet moments where you just sit and breathe in your little sleeping baby.  So I remember being conscious about the fact that newborns are beautiful miracles that only stay so tiny for a few short months...but I also loved watching him grow.  And it's still the case.  That being said, I will have the comparison of a newborn and toddler...and knowing how fast these almost two years have gone by with Jack...and that it will probably go by FASTER with Baby Girl now...I think I will relish and adore her tininess all the more.  Does that make sense?!?
It's really weird to think that I literally have probably 4 short weeks left with just Jack as my little side kick.  I'm excited to add a little one to our clan.  Very excited.  A little nervous but yes...we're ready.  Jason is VERY ready.  I was having some contractions yesterday (nothing bad but a little outchie) and he kept telling Jack, "Mama is going to have our baby."  He was kidding of course but yeah...Daddy wants to hold his little girl, and so do I.  While I was okay with Jack coming early...if he was ready I think I almost need these last few weeks.  Not that I'm going to really get my head around this concept of adding a new baby...but just to...cherish and enjoy these days where I can really focus and give my time to this crazy little boy.  I truly think he will benefit, dare I say...needs a a sibling.  He will learn things from interactions with his sister that I could never teach him but I also see how unique this time is.  Never again will Jack have the same situation...him, mama, and daddy.  And never again...or not for a while at least ha!...will it be quite this easy.  :)
So we are doing our best to enjoy these last few days as a family of 3.  Part of me feels like a month is a long time but then I think about how quickly these last two months have gone by and I know that 4 or so weeks will happen in a blink of an eye.  I feel truly blessed to be a mom...even of just one if that were God's will.  God has blessed me richly.  We aren't rich, we don't own really nice things (by western standards at least), I don't have the perfect trendy wardrobe, or own a home.  But we are rich.  Rich in love.  For each other.  And even more, in God's love. 
So we are welcoming this new little one with open arms, and taking in these days with just Jack.  I am truly trying to see each day as a blessing.  Sometimes a hard blessing...but one none the less.

Side note: And if you are experiencing cold weather right now...I apologize.  I know that summer is supposedly brutal in Arizona but I've heard it said by people here that you get 3 months of hell but 9 months of heaven...and I'm sorta believing that.  The weather is amazing so far.  I must say though that it's starting to warm up.  We have had 90+ degree weather the last week and can I just say...I hear everyone's AC going and we wimpy, baby California people are holding out!  Bam!  Still haven't used the AC.  That's right?!?  Who's tough?  ;)  Even the husband who likes the weather to be 76 degrees is toughing it out.